


Ghost of You

by buckychrist



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, light fluff, mostly fucking angst tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 21:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30112056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckychrist/pseuds/buckychrist
Summary: A faceless man ends up in your care, and your connection with him goes far beyond the scope of being two Hydra prisoners just trying to survive.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Ghost of You

The basement was too dusty. Your repeated sneezing was enough to confirm that.

Staring down at the petri-dish in front of you, you could see the ruin that your latest sneeze had left. Without thinking, you swiped your hand across the table with a grunt. The petri-dish flew across the room, exploding upon contact with the wall. It wasn’t normal for you to resort to such aggression, but your latest work hadn’t been as successful as you needed it to be, and it was only going to lead to anguish for you if you didn’t get it just right. 

You glanced at the clock on the dark maroon brick wall. Twenty till nine. Almost time for bed. The sooner you slept, the sooner you’d get a meal. You were hoping that they would at least give you dinner, but you knew you were simply mistaken. There was no breakfast waiting for you when the alarm clock went off promptly at six, and no lunch came at noon as it usually did. So why did you expect any different for the last meal of the day? This is what they did when they wanted to speed up your progress, cut down your meal for a day as a warning. But they always fed you the next day. And you trusted that the pattern would hold true this time around as well.

Another sneeze burst through your mouth, startling you at its suddenness. It had been a while since you had been this allergic to the basement you had resided in for however long had it been since your capture. Two years? Or was it three? There was no way of telling. You had stopped counting the days months ago. 

The sight of your bed across the room was tempting you to lie down and take a rest, but there wasn’t time for that. Besides, your back and hips couldn’t take the punishment if you were caught resting when it wasn’t yet time. Not again.

Maybe it was the hunger getting to you, or maybe the lack of sleep was beginning to take its toll, but it had been one of those days. The dreams were picking up again. It had been awhile since they had taken over your subconscious in the nighttime, but here they were again. Dreams of a life you had never lived, but were in such vivid technicolor that it was almost as if you had. It confused and frustrated you every time you had one. And for a while, you had thought they were gone. But here they were again, along with that continued frustration and anger.

You leaned your elbows on the table and planted your face in your hands. Now wasn’t the time to get distracted. Results were expected of you, and failure was not an option. All you needed was a minute to gather yourself. 

From the other side of the locked door came a rumbling sound that made you look up. No one was due to check on your progress until tomorrow, and yet someone was definitely coming. The clock read fourteen minutes till nine. The rumbling got louder and louder at a speed that let you know that whoever it was, they were moving quickly. 

The door was unlocked and suddenly burst open, and you shot upward away from the table. A team of people were pushing in a stretcher, followed closely by Zola. Every single muscle in your body grew tense at the sight of the tiny, glasses clad man. It was a rare day that you saw him making his way into your neck of the woods, which meant whatever they had for you, it was serious. The stretcher was brought to the middle of the room, and it wasn’t until it was brought to a full stop that you noticed the person who was lying on it. Zola stood at the head, his hand on the gurney while his eyes were on you.

“You have a new assignment,” He said in his thick accent. Your eyes darted between him and the body on the stretcher. Under the blood soaked blanket came a quick rise and fall from the chest. You knew with absolute certainty that he was tachycardic without even having to hear the rapid heartbeat.

“What do you want me to do?” You asked nervously as your eyes were now trained on the stretcher. The crowd of people left the bedside, now standing behind Zola. 

“Give him the serum. And then fix him.”

A flash of heat filled your cheeks at his words. 

“It’s not tested.” A lie. But he didn’t know any better. “It could kill him in this condition.” Not a lie. 

Zola glared down at the body just to the right of him. His lip curled in what appeared to be dissatisfaction. But it was the look in his eyes that caught you. There was a sort of hunger in them, like he was staring at a meal that he couldn’t wait to devour. And that’s when you knew. This person wasn’t just any other person who needed saving. Whoever they were, Zola needed them. His survival was essential. 

“Do what you must,” Zola barked, his head snapping back in your direction. “Just keep him alive.” His dagger eyes stared so hard into you for another few seconds that you felt like you could taste blood, before he turned on his heel and marched towards the door, his henchmen following close behind. You watched the door slam shut and heard the lock turn before you turned your attention back to the cot that held what was now your patient. 

As quickly as you could, you went to your desk and began to dig through small bottles. You hummed to yourself as you searched, trying and failing to remain calm. It took you a minute to find what you were looking for, but eventually the little bottle of morphine hiding towards the back. Your hand glided across the table as you walked passed and picked up a syringe needle. Somehow you managed to hold your hand steady enough to stick the needle in and soak up the liquid medicine. 

“Okay, friend,” You mumbled to the unconscious body as you approached. “Stay with me now.” You tried not to cringe at the swelling of his face, or the purple and blue that painted his skin. He looked like he had fallen off a train, or had been beaten near an inch of his life. Although his eyes were closed, his body was moving slightly, which was good. It let you know he still had movement in his body. No spinal cord injuries. Lifting the blanket, you saw that the left side of his body was torn apart. His arm was wrapped, but it appeared as though the lower part of it was gone. You shuttered as you imagined them doing a field amputation on this poor man. The switch to his right side was quick. You didn’t want to touch his left side anymore until you had to. As carefully as possible, you injected the medicine into him. He began to calm as you threw the needle away. 

“That’s it.” Your voice seemed to further soothe him, as he took a deep breath at the sound of it. That or the morphine was just that quick, you couldn’t be sure. 

With the tips of your fingers, you brushed away some of the hair that was matted to his forehead. He jerked at the touch, making you pull away. 

“Just rest now, okay?” You whispered to him. “We can see where you’re at in the morning.” Though he didn’t speak or open his eyes, for a second you thought he had ever so slightly nodded, and part of you wondered if you had imagined it.

You were eating breakfast the next morning when he moved again. As much as you hated to admit it, you were thankful for the meal. Maybe you weren’t being punished anymore. Or maybe they wanted you at your best to fix the new essential part of whatever plan Zola had concocted. Either way, you had never been more grateful for a bowl of cereal with toast and fruit on the side. It was the best breakfast you had had in quite a long time, and you knew that was the hunger speaking.

Just as you dipped your spoon back in the bowl, your face began to contort against your will, and you knew what was coming. The sneeze came out viciously just as you had turned your head into your elbow. A sharp sigh left your mouth. 

“Bless you.” 

You shot up so violently quick that the chair you had been sitting on flew backwards and clattered to the floor. As you waited for your heart rate to normalize, your hand was pressed down over your mouth. 

The voice was gravelly, with a hint of pain, and there was no shadow of a doubt of where it had come from. Forgetting your breakfast, you made your way over to the stretcher, grabbing your stethoscope as you passed by it. 

“You startled me,” You grumbled as you approached him. The swelling in his face had gone down significantly, and shockingly enough, so had the bruising. He sighed as you put the stethoscope in your ears, setting the end on his chest.

“Sorry.” 

Though his breaths were shallow, everything sounded normal. No fluid in the lungs that you could hear. Pulling yourself away, you brought your fingers to his tummy and began to press down on his abdomen. He gave no reaction as you made your way from one side to the other. No tenderness or hardness. It made no sense. The night prior, he looked like he only had hours of life left, and now he looked almost normal, save a few areas of slight discoloration. And yet, his breathing was too shallow, his heart rate weak. You glanced over at the phone on the other side of the room. A phone you never had to use, but now you didn’t think you had another choice. 

Slowly, you made your way to the other side of the room. Your footsteps were so quiet that they almost weren’t there. There wasn’t any reason for it, it’s not like he could hear them, but it was the anxiety that made you worry that somehow he could. With a shaky hand, you picked up the phone and dialed the four numbers before bringing it up to your ear. The line was silent for a moment before you heard muffled noises on the other end, followed by an exasperated sigh. 

“What do you want?” 

Zola’s voice always made your heart race in the worst way possible. For a second, you almost regretted calling. 

“Sir,” You said uneasily. “I believe this man already has the serum in him.” 

“Yes,” Zola said simply. “A version of it was already put in him when he was here before. We lost him before we were finished with him.” His voice grew angry, as if the memories of it all filled him with rage. You swallowed hard. 

“Then why would I give him more serum if he’s already had it?”

There was a long pause on the other end, and you felt your breathing begin to quicken. It wasn’t like you to question Zola, not when you knew that most questions lead to consequences. 

“Because…” He said, another pause before continuing. “Yours will be more effective.” This didn’t answer your question, instead just raised more.

“But sir…” Pause. “The combination of the serums could kill him.” 

You knew, before he spoke again, how angry he was when you heard a sharp inhale from the other end. 

“If I return to find that man dead, then it won’t just be him with a grave to be dug.” 

There was a loud slam on the other side, and then the line went dead.

~~

“Ma’am.” 

You glanced up at the paperwork on your desk. Corporal Dugan stood just in front of the tent entrance, his posture straight with his hands behind his back. Despite the rest of his uniform in top shape, he still chose to wear his bowler hat. Not that you paid any mind to it. 

“Dugan,” You replied, setting down your pen and giving him your full attention. “What can I do for you?” He nodded towards the outside of the tent.

“New recruits just arrived. Carter wants you to meet them.” You sighed, dropping your gaze to the dirt ground.

“Have you told Carter that I am very busy?” You asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

“She says you’re not too busy to take ten minutes to meet the new soldiers, and that it is very important you do this.” 

You sighed. It was worth a shot. Slowly, you stood up before you eyed Dugan again.

“Fine, but this better only take ten minutes,” You huffed. Dum Dum laughed as you walked around the table towards him. He was still giving you a goofy grin as he opened the tent for you.

“How busy can you be?” He asked, realizing quickly the ignorance behind it when you froze and stared blankly at him.

“How busy can I be? When I’m in charge of the medical units and running Erskine’s operations while he’s away? How busy can I be?” Your voice was low, but still firm, and it seemed to do exactly as you had intended when Dugan’s grin faded slightly. 

“Don’t mind me,” He said playfully, already changing your demeanor. “There’s a reason why I’m just one of the millions of dumb men who goes and gets shot at and you’re one of the smart, important ones who makes sure we don’t die from it.” You let out a laugh as you exited the tent.

The blaring sun burned your eyes as you began to walk. It was one of the few downsides of your job; you were inside so much that when you actually went out, the sun and you just couldn’t get along. In the distance you could hear the sounds of trainers yelling instructions as their recruits closely followed them. Boots hitting the dirt terrain and shouting were noises you had grown accustomed to. 

You eyed Peggy Carter, who stood in front of a large crowd of uniformed men, all looking tidy and clean. Fresh meat. They wouldn’t look like that for too much longer, not with Phillips and Carter in charge of their training. When you got closer, Peggy turned towards you.

“Nice of you to join us,” She mumbled as you froze next to her. She turned away from you before you were able to properly respond to her snark. Her gaze now towards the new soldiers, she introduced you. “She’s in charge of the medical staff, so keep her happy and maybe you’ll get saved the next time your ass makes a mistake in the field.” Your hand were behind your back as you eyed the new soldiers.

“It’s a pleasure to be serving with you,” You said simply and politely before Peggy dismissed them all. Annoyance filled you as you watched them walk away. This was not worth leaving your work. The glare you had on your face for her was unmissable, but it only made her laugh.

“Please,” She said, waving you off before you had the chance to say one word. “It didn’t kill you to come out for just a couple of minutes.” Your arms crossed over your chest. 

“You know how busy I am,” You griped, but she only rolled her eyes. It was hard to stay mad at her though, as she was your closest friend there. You tapped her shoulder. “Tired of training camp yet?” She huffed. 

“I’ve been ready to go back to the 107th for weeks now,” She said, shaking her head. “Not too much longer now.” You nodded. 

“I haven’t quite decided where I’m gonna station with this time,” You mentioned. “The 99th was my usual assignment but with them gone now…” You trailed off, swallowing hard at the thought of a whole platoon being wiped out. Peggy stuck her hand out, placing it gently on your forearm. 

“Come to the 107th with me,” She said, looking offended when you rolled your eyes. “Oh, stop. It’s not so bad. I can have a word with Phillips and he’ll have no problem with it. He’s always talking about how incompetent our medics are.”

“You know Phillips and Erskine have their problems,” You reminded her. “Which, by proxy, means Phillips has a problem with me. I can’t stand him.” Peggy stood up straighter.

“Yes but you can stand me,” She said. “Besides, Dugan is coming along with me and I know how you enjoy his company. Come on.” You stared at her pleading eyes for a long, quiet moment before finally relenting. 

“Fine, but it’s on you if Phillips gets me killed,” You warned as Peggy scoffed.

“I take full responsibility,” She said, raising her hands as she began to back away from you. “Now, get back to whatever work you were doing that was so important.” She flashed you one last smile before she turned and disappeared into a tent. Shaking your head, you turned around yourself, only to slam face first into a rather large body behind you.

“Woah, there,” A gentle voice said, placing their hands on your shoulders to steady you. Your face burned in embarrassment as you looked up at the new face. His eyes stared kindly at you, his mouth curled up in an amused smile. “You alright?” Straightening your jacket, you looked down at the ground before looking back up at him.

“Yes, I’m fine,” You muttered. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going. Although…” You narrowed your eyes at him. “You were walking a little close.” He glanced down at his shoes before he looked back up at you, his smile wider and more lopsided than before.

“My apologies, ma’am, it’s just…” He tilted his head slightly. “This is the last place I had expected to see angels, so I had to get a closer look.” His smile only grew wider as you grew bashful. The burning in your cheeks deepened, and you suddenly remembered the work you had abandoned. 

“I- I must be going,” You stammered, hunching your shoulders and dropping your gaze before walking around the flirty stranger to head back to your tent.

“See you around, angel,” He called after you. You stopped in your tracks, turning on your heels to face him once more. 

“What is your name, soldier?” You demanded, although the firmness of your voice that you had put on to sound authoritative only seemed to amuse him further. He took a few steps towards you, his grin now showing his teeth.

“Sergeant,” He corrected. “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Everyone calls me Bucky, but you can call me whatever you choose.” Biting you lip, you gave him a once- maybe a twice- over before your eyes found his again.

“I believe you have somewhere to be, Sergeant,” You said, turning again and rushing to your tent before he had the chance to speak again.

~~

Something wasn’t right. You could feel it in your core. 

It was the same serum that you had perfected almost two years ago. The one that was the only reason why you were able to heal from punishments and survive without food for so long. The one that had saved your life time and time again. 

And yet.

It wasn’t right. 

You mumbled as you worked, trying to piece together the ingredients like a puzzle. They were all the same, and the serum was a replica of what you had tested on yourself what had to have been a year ago at this point. But you felt the need to add something to it. To make it better. But what? Was there really something that was missing? Or were you just stalling because you were worried that this was going to kill this innocent man?

They were expecting an update, but you couldn’t provide. It had been two days exactly since they had dropped the injured man into your lab and assigned you to keep him alive and give him the serum. But shockingly enough, the only part that was easy about this assignment, was keeping him alive. Granted, he was weak and unconscious most of the time, but alive with a heartbeat all the same. 

Sighing, you turned towards him, watching his chest rise and fall. You had covered his eyes with a towel to help him rest, figuring the bright lights weren’t helping him any. It also, in a way, made him less human to you. He was, after all, just an experiment. There was no sense in getting attached. Hydra was only going to take him away, and you’d be alone all over again. 

“What’s so special about you?” You thought out loud, not expecting a response. Surprisingly, he huffed out a breath, you taking it as the equivalent of a laugh.

“Well…” He said tiredly. “I am quite handsome.” You shook your head, turning away to hide the beginnings of the smile creeping onto your mouth.

“I don’t think Zola is interested in how handsome you are, not that he would’ve been able to see it through the bruising you had,” You remarked, grabbing your stethoscope and walking towards him. “He doesn’t normally get this invested in injured strays.” He jumped when you put the end of your stethoscope on his chest, immediately relaxing under your touch. 

“Me and him… have been acquainted before,” He said between deep breaths. His voice was weak, and you knew it meant you were running out of time. But that didn’t stop you from eyeing him as you examined him again.

“Acquainted? With Zola?” You shook your head. “Can’t imagine what kind of relationship that could possibly be.” 

“I wouldn’t call… him using me…. as a lab rat…. a relationship,” He said, sounding playful. You froze. Of course you knew about Zola using him before, but Hydra was always good about wiping the memories of their playthings. That’s what you had assumed happened to your memories of life before you were taken. 

“You remember?” You asked quietly. “They let you keep your memories?” He shuffled in the bed.

“I… wouldn’t say… let me… keep them…” He paused to cough, and you ran to the sink, grabbing a cup and filling it with cold water. In a flash, you were back at his side, tenderly lifting his head and tipping the cup into his mouth. He drank like he had been in the desert for days, but who knows when the last time he had water was? As soon as the cup was empty, he let out a gracious sigh. “Thank you.” 

You hummed in response as you threw the cup away, turning back towards him with a look of concern. He was circling the drain, and with Zola’s threat looming over you, you had to figure out what was stopping you from giving him the serum. And fast.

“So how did you escape?” You asked him. The fingers on his right hand curled, and you instantly felt bad for your curiosity. But he shifted his head slightly before deeply exhaling.

“My best friend saved me,” He said. His voice was clearer this time. Steady. He even smirked a little, as if he was replaying the memory in his head. “Steve. Captain America. Took me before they got the chance to completely wipe me.” You were shocked by how blunt he was being, and part of you wondered if he knew where he was. Or if he even cared. To another person, his words could get his best friend Steve into trouble. He shuffled some more. “And he’ll get me out of this one too.” You tried to stifle the chuckle that forced its way out of your mouth.

“Can he save me too?” You asked before you could stop yourself. The embarrassment forced you to turn away, heading towards the table where your work was waiting for you. There was a long period of silence, and you were hoping that meant he wasn’t going to reply. Although you should’ve known better.

“So you were taken too?” He asked after a while. Dragging your hand down your face, you turned to face him again, leaning your back against the table. 

“I assume so,” You admitted quietly. Every muscle in your body was so tense that one flex of any would make them burst. Your teeth clenched so tightly that it hurt your jaw. “I- I don’t remember it. I woke up one day and here I was. I-“ You paused, closing your eyes to try and stop your stinging eyes from crying. “I don’t even remember my name. They took my name away from me.” You cursed yourself for getting emotional. That used to be your only way to deal with the pain. To cry almost every night to cope with everything you had lost. Somehow, losing your identity felt like the worst blow of them all. And just being able to talk about it for the first time since you awoke in your prison was reopening those wounds all over again. 

“Sorry.” 

Guilt washed over you as your head fell backwards so you could stare at the ceiling in frustration. Making the man who had just been through hell and back feel sorry for you was not on your agenda for the day. 

“No need for apologies,” You said simply, letting your head fall back down to look at him. “That’s just how it is sometimes.” 

“I know… it’s just-“ His voice trailed off, and you noticed his head fall to the side slightly. Grabbing your stethoscope, you rushed towards him.

“Hey, stay with me, okay?” You said anxiously as you listened for breath sounds and a heartbeat. His breathing had stunted, but his heart was racing. You jumped on the table, bringing your hands to his chest and doing the only thing you could think of, which was pumping your hands up and down above his heart. 

“You are not allowed to die on me, do you hear me?” You were shouting, and for the first time, you didn’t care. Nothing was changing. Flashes of dreams popped into your head. Visions of a uniformed man lying on the ground underneath your hands as you have compressions. Suddenly you felt like you knew what to do. Throwing your fist down, it collided with his chest as hard as you could’ve possibly hit it. His chest rose automatically, and you listened to the sounds of him quickly suck in air. 

You pushed yourself off the table, brushing off the beads of sweat from your forehead. 

You had never worked on another person. Not since you had woken up that day in this basement. 

With arms crossed over your chest, you stared at the floor, questions of who you could’ve possibly been running through your mind.

~~

“You are not allowed to die on me, do you hear me?”

The man could not hear you, as he bottomed out under your grasp. Blood covered every inch your fingers up to your wrists. The bleeding had stopped, but his heart was still not beating again. The nurse right next to you was pumping him full of drugs, while the second one on the other side was monitoring his vitals. 

“We might have to let this one go,” The nurse on the other side, Betty, said as she pulled her stethoscope away from his chest. When you didn’t let up, she called your name. “It’s not worth it.” 

“We got the bleeding to stop, we can’t just let him die,” You said through your teeth as you glared up at her. She put her hands on her hips, leaving handprints of blood on her clothes.

“What do you plan on doing then?” She demanded. The daggers you glared at her were so sharp that if you continued on for a few more seconds, she would be the next one bleeding out in your medic tent. Raising your hand in frustration, you dropped your gaze to the patient in front of you.

“Come on!” You shouted, bringing your fist down and slamming it against his chest. There was a loud gasp as the chest rose, and he began to breathe again. The breaths were shallow, but they were there.

“His heartbeat is rising,” Abigail, the nurse to your right, said as she listened to his chest. You sighed before looking up at Betty, who was staring at you in complete shock. All you did was shrug, before turning to walk away. 

It used to bother you, getting yourself covered in blood from fighting to save a soldier and tend to their wounds. But now, you barely noticed it. You made your way to the bucket of water in the corner, grabbing a rag and getting it wet before cleaning yourself off. 

“I called it.”

The voice startled you, causing you to jump almost a full foot into the air. When you turned around, you were greeting by none other than Sergeant Barnes, who had his hands raised at his sides and was giving you a goofy grin. He stopped a few feet away from you as you continued to clean your hands.

“Called what, exactly?” You questioned, dropping your gaze to what you were doing. This seemed to amuse him further.

“That there being an angel in our midst.” You didn’t have time to even attempt to hide your reaction before the slight laugh slipped out of him, followed by a smile. He rose his hands some more, dropping his head while closing his eyes. “I’ve called it since the beginning.” You shook your head.

“Always a pleasure, Sergeant,” You said as you dropped the rag back into the bucket of water. 

“I’m just sayin’” He continued. When you turned back to face him, he was now beginning to pace around. “Everyone else will start saying it too, and I just want to make it clear that I saw it first.” It was tempting to roll your eyes, but instead you turned away. The burning in your cheeks filled you with embarrassing. The second time this man made you feel this way, and all it did was bring you even more embarrassment. 

“Can I help you with something, Sergeant?” You asked as you turned away from him, walking to the other side of the tent towards the supply area.

“Bucky.” 

“Can I help you with something, Bucky?” You repeated with your eyes pointed at the roof of the tent. Your back was towards him as you began to mindlessly dig through supplies, giving the appearance that you were busy. Out of the corner of your eye, Bucky appeared, leaning on a stack of crates taller than even he was. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was taking in your every move. 

“Just wanted to personally welcome you to the 107th,” He said, rising his shoulders slightly. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep with the belief that you thought your arrival went unnoticed.” 

“This isn’t my first go in the war, Barnes,” You sneered. “I don’t need a big welcome from everyone in order to do my job.” Your less-than-grateful demeanor did nothing to tarnish the look on his face as he watched you.

“I didn’t mean from everyone.”

This made you stop. It almost made you laugh. Was this arrogance or just blind confidence that was making him speak to you in this way? Whichever it was, it took a massive set of balls. Though you didn’t have much authority over people who weren’t in the medic unit, you still had a higher standing than a sergeant. Even generals and lieutenants wouldn’t dare speak to you in that manner. And yet. 

“You think that I was waiting for a greeting from you?” You asked him in a voice that was laced with amusement and disbelief. “Couldn’t go on with my day and my job without it?” He shook his head, pushing himself off the crates.

“I don’t think you were waiting for it,” He said while taking a few steps forward. “But I do think you feel a little better now that you have it.” He didn’t give you a chance to react before he left the tent, with you stared agape at his receding back. 

He did this every day, stopping by the medic tent just to say hello and have a little flirt. It bothered you the first few days. His arrogance was more tedious to deal with than anything else. But after a while, you grew used to the confidence laced around his words of kindness. You may have even grown to like it. Yearn for it. He never crossed a line when he flirted with you, never got wildly inappropriate or demeaning, as you were used to when a man decided you were worth his time. It was always compliments of not just your looks, but of your work as a medic and your dedication to the soldiers. The more the two of you interacted, the more in depth he would go, and the more and more you would reciprocate in a manner that wasn’t eye rolls and scoffs. It made it more fun, if you were honest, adding in your own wits to turn it into good banter. And it was good banter. You learned that he was funny when he wasn’t trying too hard to impress you. In fact, all of the pieces of him were better when he wasn’t trying so hard. His humor, his wit, even his charm seemed to woo you in ways it hadn’t before.

So on the day he didn’t show up at your tent, you felt yourself growing ansey. It was almost completely dark outside and the tent had grown quiet. You were doing a quick inventory as the nurses cleaned, but you kept finding yourself glancing at the entrance of the tent. 

“No sign of Barnes today, huh?” Betty said after catching you look up at the front of the tent for the third tent. Biting your lip, you looked back down at your notebook with the inventory number scribbled down. 

“None,” You said simply, pretending to be uninterested in the mere thought of his presence. 

“He’s probably too busy being alone with his thoughts of you in his own tent,” Abigail teased. Her remark was quickly followed by a giggle from both her and Betty, but you remained silent. 

“Don’t be childish,” You snapped. “He’s hopefully found better things to do than to follow me around camp like a lost puppy.” It was silent, but you could feel their stares. You glanced up to catch the butt end of their exchange of looks before they turned back to you. It was their smirks that did you in. “What?” 

“You like him,” Betty said slowly. Accusingly. Your mouth dropped in faux offense, eyebrows furrowing together.

“There are hundreds of men in this camp, and you think the best I can do is Barnes?” You demanded while pretending that your stomach wasn’t doing somersaults. But that didn’t seem to satisfy them, as Betty’s shoulders rose up. 

“He’s not ugly.”

“Not in the least,” Abigail added with a hint of her own offense in her tone. 

“Then you two can go fawn over him like school girls,” You quipped, shaking your head as you turned back to your work.

“But he doesn’t want us,” Betty said, walking around you in a circle as you ignored her. “He wants you, and you want him too. Don’t try and hide it.” You scoffed.

“A little banter and teasing does not mean we want each other,” You argued. A weak argument at best. Both of them laughed.

“With the way he looks at you? There’s no way he doesn’t,” Abigail insisted. Better nodded. 

“Careful, honey, or he’ll be in love with you before the end of the month.” Throwing down your notebook, you turned your back on them.

“I have better things to do than listen to you two fantasize,” You grumbled as you threw the flaps of the entryway out of your face. They called out to you, laughing as they pleaded for you to come back, but you ignored them. All you could think of was the bottle of whiskey you knew Dugan had stashed somewhere, as he always seemed to have a bottle of something stashed somewhere, and he was always willing to share. 

As you rounded the corner of the tent, intending to take a shortcut to the tent where Dugan slept, you froze when you found Bucky several feet away. A cigarette dangled out of his mouth as he eyed you, smiling at you in a way that went far beyond the usual flirtatiousness that it usually held. You stood up straighter, trying to hide your disgruntled attitude. 

“Sergeant,” You mumbled as you continued to walk, brushing his arm with your shoulder as you blew past.

“Hello, angel,” He said in a sing-song voice that only further irritated you. A significant amount of distance was between the two of you when he spoke again.

“They’re right, you know!” 

You stopped in your tracks again, the sound of his words bouncing around the walls of your brain. For a second there, you thought your heart had stopped completely, but then you felt your pulse ripple through your chest, if not a little quicker than normal. You didn’t respond, instead just smiling down at the tops of your shoes as you continued to walk, completely forgetting where exactly it was you were going. 

~~

It was done. 

The serum was finished. 

You stared at the vial in your hand, spinning it around to examine it in every angle. It had always come naturally to you, the serum formula. From the day you started, it was something that you couldn’t recall learning but you still managed to make without any prior education or hesitation. 

Now you were questioning everything. You had been for a few days. How did you already know the formula for the serum? How did you know how to save the mystery man on the table? Where did it all come from? Were you just put on this planet with all this knowledge? Or did you have a secret past? One that even you couldn’t remember? The thought left your stomach churning. 

Turning towards the man, you watched him breathe. Up and down slowly went his chest. Sleeping. He seemed to do a lot of that, and you’d constantly found yourself wondering who exactly made the serum he had been given, and how they messed it up so badly. While his bruising had mostly subsided, he was still frail with no signs of improvement without a different serum. It looked like the previous one had, at best, only kept him alive from whatever trauma he had faced that landed him in your care. 

You turned back to your serum. It was the same as what you had in your own system, and yet it was different. But only you knew that. How were you so sure? How did you know it would work? You didn’t. But yet somehow you did. Besides, it was his only shot at being free. You had been up all night working, and you were feeling the consequences from it. Your work station was now covered in empty bottles and trash, a reminder of the time and work you had put into it. It had to work.

A cough came from the cot, and within a few seconds you were there with a cup of water. He was compliant when you lifted his head to take a drink, finishing off the water in two large gulps. 

“You’re okay,” You said gently. “Everything is okay. Your pain is almost over.” The pace of his breathing heightened, letting you know he was awake despite his covered eyes. 

“Angel.”

You froze.

“I- what?” Your voice sounded so small, almost a squeak, that it caught you off guard, but you were to busy staring at the man on the cot to care.

“You sound like an angel.” 

The word hit you like a train, but you couldn’t place why. Every time you heard it play through your mind, there was another pang in your chest and you began to feel sick. It was a moment of such intense deja vu, even though you had never heard the word directed at you in such a way before. At least, not in person. And yet the sound was so vaguely familiar. It made you incredibly uncomfortable how much it affected you.

“You should go back to sleep,” You said quietly, pushing yourself away from him. “You’ll need your strength.” He hummed in response, his body relaxing as his breathing slowed once more. You stared at him for a little longer before turning back to your work table. 

In the back of your mind, you could hear it again. Except this time, the voice was different. Younger. Stronger. A different tone. Where had you heard it before? Lying your palms on the edge of your work station, you stood frozen as you stared at the metal table top, lost in deep concentration. And then it dawned on you.

It was the voice from your dreams. 

That voice haunted you every time you closed your eyes for the night, dipping into your subconscious and giving you a life of meaning and comfort. You loved the freedom the voice gave you from the life you currently lived, but you resented the fact that it wasn’t reality. 

As you went back to work, you weren’t as focused as you had been just minutes prior. The only thing your mind could think about was that voice, and the string of soft, sweet nothings it whispered to you in your dreams. As your eyes glanced back up at the clock, you were suddenly very keen on going to bed that evening. 

~~

Slowly.

Carefully.

“Hey.”

The sound of Abigail’s voice started you, and in effect, made you drop the two vials in your hand. When you looked up at her, the demeanor she read was nothing short of apologetic.

“I’m sorry.” Your face began to relax, nostrils unflaring. “I just wanted to let you know that your boyfriend returned.” Your blank expression was enough to make her falter, rolling her eyes at you for not playing along with her joke. “The soldiers came back and there’s some casualties. But Barnes isn’t one of them. Thought you’d want to know.” 

She disappeared from the entrance of the tent, leaving you back to your mess. You stared at the remnants of your work, angered by the interruption. With Erskine now gone, the only one left who knew how to make the serum was you, despite everyone else assuming otherwise. But you’d been having trouble focusing all day, and although you had assumed the return of the troops would alleviate your anxiety, you knew it wouldn’t fully dissipate until you had seen them for yourself. And by them, you meant only one.

The walk to the medic tent was longer than you had remembered since setting up the new camp a few months prior. Though the men had returned, a wave of silence had fallen on the area, as many were tired and in mourning of friends lost. You were careful in your steps for this reason, not wanting to disturb the quiet. You felt like you were walking in a cemetery, and the thought made you nauseous. 

The only part of the site that had any noise was the medic tent. As you approached, you could hear the sounds of men shouting and crying while being treated. It was the hardest part of the job, listening to them beg for the sweet release as opposed to having to deal with another second of whatever wounds they had been dealt. Part of you thought about going back to your work and hiding from the aftermath of the battle, but you knew better than to actually do it. You needed to see him. 

The inside of the tent was just as chaotic as it sounded from the outside. Nurses and medics were running amok trying to treat the influx of injured men. It was an overwhelming sight to take in as you looked around. Dugan was on the other side, smoking a cigar as he tried to calm down a man who was having a bullet removed from his shin. Abigail was now wrapping a wound on a man’s face, just a simple laceration, while Betty was putting a blanket over a man who had died on her table. You were about to go over to her to offer help when you saw him.

He was sitting on a pile of crates on the other side of the room, his eyes darting around at the madness. His expression was comprised of discomfort, and he had his arms crossed tight across his chest. All other objectives lost from your mind, you began to make your way towards him. As you got closer, you noticed the paleness of his skin and the sweat that dampened his forehead, which did nothing to unclench your muscles from anxiety.

“You’re hurt,” You said simply once you were within earshot. He whipped his head in your direction, visibly flinching at the movement. You grabbed his right arm, beginning your assessment.

“I’m fine-“ He grumbled through clenched teeth, but was cut off when you reached for his left arm, where he hissed through his teeth and jerked away, not from anything you had done, but because from the pain from whatever wound he was trying to hide. You huffed as you grabbed some supplies from the box to your left. Bucky shook his head. “I can wait-“ 

“You can’t,” You snapped, grabbing his right arm and leading him out of the tent. The outside was still quiet, but it had a different air to it this time. As you maneuvered through the camp with a man who’s protests you were ignoring, the sound of your heart pounding filled your ears. The two of you stopped just a few feet away from one of the many tents lined up for sleeping.

“Wait here,” You mumbled before heading inside, not waiting for a response. It was a quick in and out, as you knew where exactly Dugan kept his whiskey. Grabbing Bucky’s arm again, you lead him towards your work tent. With the medic tent far gone, it was quiet again, and yet it was still so loud in your head. 

“What happened?” Bucky asked between quick breaths upon entering your work station, nodding towards your spill on the table. You grabbed a towel and quickly wiped it off.

“Nothing now.” You could feel him staring at you despite you being so focused on moving your things, but you didn’t acknowledge it. Once the table was cleared, you pointed to the empty space. He stared at you for a moment, until you raised your eyebrows at him, and then he made his way to the table and sat down on the freshly cleaned top.

“Now, you have to show me the wound,” You ordered. He hesitated before slowly rising his arm, revealing a bullet hole just above his armpit. The sight of such injuries never bothered you before, so you found the wave of nausea that flooded through you quite irritating. “You seriously just sat in the medic tent with this lodged in you without saying anything? Do you know how fast these sort of wounds can get infected?” 

“I was waiting for the more seriously wounded to get treated first-“ He stopped to inhale sharply as you touched it. The bullet was still in him, but close to the surface.

“I have to take it out,” You told him. “Lay back.” He sighed as he flopped backwards onto the top of the table, his back bouncing slightly as he made contact and the look on his face let you know he regretted not going down smoother. It was hard grabbing your equipment with his eyes on you the whole time.

“Stop staring.”

“It’s the only thing that makes the pain better.” When you rolled your eyes, you caught his defensive grin. “I’m serious! You’re like a natural pain reliever. It’s a quality of the best angels.” When you rolled your eyes even harder, he huffed. Grabbing the whiskey bottle, you flicked off the cap and offered it to him. 

“You might want some of this,” You said with a grimace. He stared at it, the debate in his mind evident on his face, before grabbing it and taking a long swig. He handed it back to you, his face deadpan as he swallowed. You tried not to look him in the eye as you poured a few ounces over the wound, causing him to hiss. 

“Hurts,” He whispered as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“I know,” You said, bringing the forceps up to the wound. “It’s going to hurt some more okay?” You looked at him for confirmation. A moment passed before his eyes opened again, immediately locking with yours. He didn’t speak, instead just nodding his head, which you returned. “Deep breaths.” The two of you inhaled deeply at the same time, yours slightly longer than his, before you stuck the forceps into the wound.

His screams were bloodcurdling.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered as you pushed them further in, trying to get a good grip on the bullet. “I’m so sorry-“ Tears stung your eyes as he continued to yell, his body jerking slightly. You put your free hand on his chest to steady him, but it only made him jerk more. “Bucky, please stop.” Your voice was shaky, pleading. Part of you hoped that he’d pass out from the pain, but as his shouts continued, that hope faded. 

When the bullet came out, his screams stopped. With closed eyes and labored breaths, Bucky began to calm down. You dropped the forceps down, the metal on metal making a loud clanging noise.

“There,” You said tenderly. “Now we just have to stitch you up.” The silence was overbearing, but you preferred it over his screams. When you poured more whiskey over his wound, all he did was sharply inhale. You were so focused on stitching him up that you didn’t notice when he opened his eyes and began to watch you.

“Are you going to ask what happened?”

“I think I’d rather not know.”

“It’s a pretty good story.”

“I’m sure it is.” He hummed, his head falling back so he was looking at the ceiling.

“It’s a wondrous tale of a hero who took a bullet for one of his fellow men,” He told you, his voice smug. Though you didn’t reply, you were happy to know that his voice was going back to normal. He continued. “There we were. Gabe, Dum Dum, Montgomery and I, in the midst of the forest. Everything was silent, when suddenly, BOOM!” He lifted his free hand up into the air while wiggling his fingers to illustrate an explosion. “We were attacked. We all dropped to the ground and hid behind trees. Dugan was yelling but I don’t know what he was saying. So then we-“ 

“Are you done?” You asked, stopping your work to look at him. He was frozen, slowly lowering his hand as he stared at you.

“Not quite-“

“There’s nothing heroic about almost getting yourself killed to save someone else,” You grumbled. “You want to be heroic? Save someone and don’t get injured in the process. That’s heroism.” 

You finished his stitches, cutting the thread before grabbing a piece of gauze and carefully placing it over the wound. 

“So do I have to ask you what made you so angry or are you just going to tell me?” He asked after a few moments of silence. You shook your head slightly as you avoided eye contact.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Don’t bullshit me,” He snapped, raising his voice at you for the first time since you’ve known him. “Just talk to me. Tell me what’s going through your head.” You sat upright once you finished bandaging his injury, staring down at your handiwork. 

“You’re all set,” You declared, turning from the table and heading towards the flaps of the tent. The fresh air would help your unsteady breaths. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. 

“You called me Bucky.”

You froze. For a moment, your eyes were trained on the dirt terrain, but then you slowly began to turn, your eyes meeting his.

“Excuse me?”

“Just because I was in immense pain, that doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you,” He told you with eyebrows raised. “You never call me Bucky.” You crossed your arms over your chest, either in frustration or in defense.

“What are you implying?” You demanded. He pushed himself off the table, his towering figure limping towards you. 

“I’m saying you can stop pretending you don’t give a shit,” He said, his voice quiet this time. He stopped right in front of you. “Who are you trying to fool?” 

It was a valid question. Who were you trying to fool? Was it him? Everyone else? Or just yourself? Your eyes dropped to the floor as you no longer wanted to look at him. The pit of your stomach had a weird feeling that you couldn’t quite explain. When you looked back up at him, his expression was patient. Just waiting.

“You’re not allowed to die,” You declared, biting your lip as your eyes began to sting. “Is that clear?” His lips twitched upward as he took a step forward, reaching up and putting his right hand to your cheek. The pad of his thumb ran up and down your skin, as his eyes stared into yours with a slight shine in them.

“Anything for you, angel.”

~~

It was time.

You tested the serum over and over until it couldn’t be perfect any more. 

It was going to work.

You could feel it in the pit of your tummy. 

The man on the table was growing weaker by the hour, the serum he had received before now failing him. He talked less and slept more, taking fluids like a fish out of water. You knew all along that you didn’t have much time, but now the time was gone, and it was either act or he would die. 

The intravenous tubes you had to use to get the serum in him were big, each having multiple needles that stuck into his sides, like a plug. Just looking at them made you feel sick. You knew immediately that they were going to hurt going in. And you weren’t completely sure how he was going to react to them.

“Hey,” You mumbled, putting your hand on the man’s upper arm. He jerked slightly, humming in response. “I have to stick some tubes into your sides, but it’s not going to feel good.” He nodded once. 

“Can’t be any worse than falling off a mountain, huh?” He asked in a weak voice followed by a chuckle. You cracked a smile as you got the first tube ready. 

“Take a deep breath, okay?” You said softly. His head nodded slightly, and you watched his chest rise slowly until it came to a halt, holding its position. Inhaling deeply yourself, you held your own breath before plunging the tube into his side. He yelled out, making you flinch.

“Hurts,” was all he was able to get out as his body weakly flailed. 

“I know,” You said with guilt lacing your words. “It’s going to hurt some more, okay?” He whimpered as you prepared the next tube. “Deep breaths.” He inhaled, and you pushed the next one in. He yelled loudly this time, trying to inch his body away from you. Reaching over him towards his other side, you grabbed the third tube. “I’m sorry.” When the third one went in, he cried out once more. You knew that the pain would fade once they were in, so you wasted no time grabbing the fourth and final one. “I’m so sorry.” A few minutes after the last one was inserted, his writhing and pain filled noises came to a halt. When you grabbed his wrist, his pulse was weak but at a normal pace.

“No more,” He pleaded. “No more pain.” You kneeled down slightly, with your forearms on the table. The stinging in your eyes resumed as you stared at the feeble man, your face just inches from his. 

“It’s going to hurt a little more, but afterwards, you’ll never feel pain like this ever again, okay?” Your voice was shaky, and your hands were too. But you folded them together as you continued to stare at him. “I promise. We’re almost done.” He was still for a moment, your anxiety deepening with every passing second, but finally he gave you a single nod. Nodding in return, despite the fact that he couldn’t see you, you ran to your control panel. Everything you had to work with was basic, but you somehow made it through okay. 

“On three, okay?” 

He hummed in response, shuffling slightly in preparation. You wrapped your fingers around the switch on your panel.

“One.”

“Two.”

His fingers clenched into the palm of his hand, turning his knuckles white. 

“Three!” 

Without hesitation, you threw the switch. The serum instantly poured into the tubes and into the man on the table. As soon as the serum passed through him, he began to violently writhe, his body thrashing around the table as if he was being electrocuted. For a second, you considered turning it off, but you knew this was part of the process.

The lights above flickered as you watched him continue to seize. It was almost done, he was almost done. 

The door flew open, and in marched Zola, who was followed by a large group of guards. He stared in awe at the table, slowly walking a circle around him while staring as if he was looking at a loved one.

“You did it,” He mumbled, you just barely able to make out his words over the sounds of the machine. “Next he’ll just need the arm and then he’ll be something truly amazing.” But you weren’t paying attention to Zola, as you were too focused on the table. As you reached for the console, Zola’s eyes darted in your direction.

“Don’t!” He barked as he turned back to the scene in front of you. “Just wait a little longer.”

“If I keep it going, this could kill him!” You shouted.

“Just wait!” 

Your fingers were twitching as you continued to reach for the switch. Every second that passed increased the chances that this man would end up dead. But Zola didn’t seem to mind, instead continuing to watch the man wither in pain in front of an audience. 

Finally, you’d had enough. You slammed your hand against the lever, pulling it down to shut the system off. The humming noise the machine was making upon startup had stunted, the room now overwhelmingly silent. Zola and his men all crowded the table, staring down at the stilled body in anticipation. 

You, on the other hand, kept your distance. Anxiety rippled through your body as you waited for any type of response. With every second that passed came more worry with guilt mixed in. You thought back to the formula, to the one stray ingredient you added in on a whim. Could that have been what killed him? 

Zola spun around to face you, the fire in his eyes matching the slight red color his skin had. As he began to march towards you, you began to back away. 

“You did this,” He growled as he pointed at you accusingly. “You did this on purpose. I should’ve known.”

“I didn’t do anything-“

“I gave you one task!” He was shouting now, the sound of his voice echoing off the walls of the tiny, quiet room. “I should’ve known better than to trust a foolish prison girl. Couldn’t even keep her own boss alive or keep herself from getting captured, why would I-“

A sound caused the two of you to freeze.

A grunting sound.

You looked over in time to see a Hydra soldier get launched across the room, his body hitting the brick wall so hard that pieces fell to the floor along with him. He slumped to the ground, lying still. Another one was thrown, this one flying into one of your work tables and flipping it over as he landed on top of it. The guards began to draw their weapons, which only seemed to frustrate him more. 

“You need to get away from him!” You shouted as a third one was thrown. Only five remained. They all retreated, taking refuge behind any sort of barrier they could find in your tiny room. A few were on the other side of your remaining work tables, while some had flipped your bedframe and were behind the mattress, now upright. 

The man flew off the table, standing up as if he had never been unable to, like the last week or so hadn’t occurred. It was barbaric the way he looked, like a caveman who was being hunted. His eyes jumped around the room, his face threatening any person to approach. 

And then they fell on you. 

You stared at him, seeing him in full for the first time. There was something so familiar about him that you just couldn’t put your finger on. It was enough to scare you.

His entire body relaxed at the sight of you, the look of threat replaced with one of confusion and awe. Despite your stare never wavering from his own, you could feel all eyes slowly turning to you.

First, he was silent, and then he spoke.

It was one word in a voice you had never heard from him before, strong and healthy, and yet it was like you had heard it thousands of times. It took you a moment to realize it was a name, said with so much emotion behind it that it was leaking out into the room. It was a familiar name, like it had been on the tip of your tongue all along, and it was now just coming to you.

Yours.

~~

The whiskey burned the back of your throat, but your face didn’t show it. 

The room was loud, filled with music, voices and laughter. It was the first actual building with four actual walls and an actual roof that you had been inside of in months. The warmth was something you weren’t used to, and it felt amazing against your skin. Everyone was dancing, laughing, and having fun, but your back was to them as you ran your finger around the edge of the glass, your thoughts drowning out the background noise. You were four whiskeys deep, about to order your fifth, and while you didn’t feel particularly better than you had been earlier that day when sober, it at least made everything easier to deal with.

“You should come sit with us.”

You didn’t turn to greet Barnes as he took the stool next to you, leaning on the bar with his head resting in his hand. You had seen him enter a few hours before, and knew he looked clean and uniformed. More handsome than you would ever admit.

“We shouldn’t even be here,” You grumbled as you took another gulp of whiskey from your glass. 

“We all needed a night to decompress,” He told you. “Which includes you.” Even though you couldn’t see his eyes, you could feel the empathy radiating out of them and into you. “I know you’re mourning, but Erskine wouldn’t want you to sit around and think about what you couldn’t do to save him. You weren’t even there.” The mention of your former boss’s name stung as you downed the rest of your glass.

“It’s not just that,” You said, your head rolling on your shoulder to face him. “They took all of his research. So now they’re going to use the work that he created for good to do evil things.” Bucky shook his head as he took a large swig of the beer in his hand.

“They didn’t get their hands on one thing.”

“Oh yeah?” You turned away and knocked on the bar to alert the barkeep. “And what would that be?” There was a long pause, alerting you that Bucky wanted you to look at him when he spoke. But you refused to comply, staring down at the bartop as you waited for your drink, as well as for him to humor you with his answer.

“They didn’t get you.” You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. His hand was over his mouth for a brief moment, so all you could see were his eyes. “You knew all of his formulas just as well as he did. Now that he’s dead, you’re the only one who can continue his work.” Shaking your head lightly, you turned away again.

“It doesn’t matter,” You sighed. “Did you not hear me? They took everything he had left behind. Everything. From his supplies and ingredients, to the samples he took from the man who got the serum. I have nothing to work with.” The bartender set your drink down in front of you, and you smacked down another few coins to pay for it. 

“Then create your own supplies,” Bucky countered. “You’re just as smart and capable as Erskine, or Howard Stark or any of those scientists who think they’re better than everyone else.” Swishing the alcohol around the inside of your glass, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“I don’t feel like I am,” Was all you could say in a quiet whisper. From behind, you heard the song change to a slow one, causing the crowd to quiet down a bit. Within a second, your drink was snatched from your hand, and before you could do anything about it, Bucky had already downed it. Your mouth dropped open in surprise. “That was mine.”

“I know,” He said, his nose only scrunched slightly from the aftershock of the alcohol. “I needed it gone so that you wouldn’t have an excuse to say no when I ask you to dance with me.” He slid out of his stool, standing in front of you with his hand extended and a goofy smile. You crossed your arms over your chest, playing it coy, albeit a hard façade to keep up. 

“What makes you think I need an excuse to say no?” You challenged, but it did nothing to falter his confidence, instead just making him lean forward slightly.

“Because you want to,” He whispered. “I can see it in your eyes.”

And what made you stare at him in shock for a moment before taking his hand and letting him lead you to the dance floor, was the fact that he was in no way wrong. 

The small area that was barren of tables was next to empty as most of the dancers had vacated after the fast music had stopped. Bucky lead you to the middle, before turning and taking a step close. Anxiety rushed through you as he was now only inches away, but the feeling was brief as he wrapped his left arm around the small of your back and took your hand in his right one. The two of you quickly synced to each other and the soft melody, swaying back and forth as your feet glided across the floor. 

For the first minute, you were incredibly tense. More tense than you felt you should’ve been. It had been awhile since you were this close to a man. And the fact that it was Barnes made it ten times worse than it already was. But slowly, you began to relax in his arms, letting your body fall into his slightly, bringing him closer. Up close, he smelled better than you had imagined him to. The smell of his cologne was invigorating, and you wondered if he had brought it from home.

His cheek was pressed against the side of your head, and you could feel the warmth from every exhale that left him. To anyone looking on, they would think the two of you had been together for years. 

“I’m surprised,” You said. “I wouldn’t have taken you for a dancer.” He chuckled.

“My mother would drop dead before letting me go into the world without learning how to dance,” He told you. It wasn’t often that he talked about his home life, but when he did, it was always with a hint of sorrow, suggesting he was homesick. 

“So you weren’t raised to be an animal, you just act that way by choice,” You retorted. He shook his head.

“You can call me an animal all you want, but you and I both know I’ve never acted that way towards you, angel.”

Which was true. He never acted the same with you as he did with the rest of the men. With them, he was crude and goofy, but with you? He was tender and kind in a way you had never been treated to by another man. 

“You smell nice.” The remark made you laugh.

“Thanks, I bathed for the first time in three weeks today.” This time, it was his turn to laugh. The tone it took was hearty and genuine, not just to humor you. 

“Don’t worry,” He mumbled. “You’re still gorgeous even when you’re dirty and smelly.” 

You scoffed, but said nothing. It was, in this moment, when you realized how deep you had fallen into the abyss that was Bucky. Though his compliments and attention to you were what put him on your radar, it was the little things about him that kept your attention. His loyalty and care for his fellow soldiers. His sense of humor that kept spirits high even on the darkest of days. His smile that brightened any room he occupied. He was a runaway train and you were tied to the tracks in his path, the only outcome being your demise.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked in a low whisper, the sound of his voice so suddenly startling you. Leaning back slightly so you could now face him without pulling distance from the rest of you, you stared at him, taking in the way the lights left a glow across his face and in his ocean blues. His hand squeezed yours, as if reminding you to answer.

“You.” It was a simple answer, and yet somehow it was everything. Shock overcame his smug expression.

At that moment, the song ended, replaced by another fast one that was greeted by hollers of delight. While the empty space of the dance floor was now once again filled with people, the two of you didn’t appear to take note. A few moments more than necessary past before either of you noticed that your bodies were still pressed together, held by his arm across the small of your back. 

Suddenly you pulled away, feeling embarrassed. The room felt very warm under the heat from Bucky’s stare. 

“I’m going to…” You trailed off, taking that opportunity to flee. Part of you was embarrassed by the such rash decision, but you needed air. It felt like there was suddenly a cloud of dark smoke hanging overhead and filling your lungs. Over the crowd, you could hear Dugan calling out your name, in an inviting sort of way, but you ignored him as you all but threw yourself out the front door. 

The cool night air greeted you as you suddenly remembered how to breathe. The ghost of Bucky’s arm across your back was still planted, leaving behind a tingling feeling where he once was. 

You didn’t know how to feel. Was this even appropriate? Never had you been told that seeing someone within the same branch of military was not allowed, let alone the same regiment, but you hadn’t been told it was allowed either. In her last letter, Peggy had told you she was growing fond of a man she had met in training camp, that man who ended up becoming Erskine’s subject for the serum, but you didn’t know if anything had come of it. Not that you needed to know, because it didn’t matter. You didn’t want or need the distraction from your work. 

Kicking a rock with your shoe, you began to pace the sidewalk with your hands stuffed in your pocket. The quiet evening air was already helping you calm down, the temperature of your skin already going back to normal. You debated whether you should go back inside or simply return to camp. It wasn’t a question of whether you wanted to avoid Barnes, it was whether you would be able to.

The door flew open, the sound of the bell making you jump. When you turned, Bucky was staring at you with blank eyes and tightly pressed lips. You felt like a deer in headlights under his intense gaze. He took three slow steps forward.

“Listen-“ You began, but he cut you off by shaking his head. Gently, he grabbed you by the elbow and began to lead you away from the bar. Despite not knowing where he was taking you, there was no fear in you. 

He lead you through the alley, taking random turns on occasion. You knew that it was in the direction of camp, but it was an obscure way of getting there. Finally, the two of you stopped when nearly ten minutes had passed and you were a long ways away from the bar in an alley between a grocery shop and a tiny cafe.

“What are you-“ You started, but he cut you off once again, this time with his mouth crashing into yours in the most ungraceful and greedy of ways. For a brief moment, you were in shock as you stood frozen beneath his kiss. But almost just as quickly, it faded away, and you began to return it. You didn’t realize the two of you were walking backwards until your back hit a brick wall, but you were too focused with the feeling of Bucky’s tongue in your mouth and tangling your fingers in his hair to pay any mind. There were explosions in your chest and stampedes in your stomach. Your world had been flipped upside down while somehow simultaneously been put back together. His hands on your back were burning imprints, branding you for only his touch. For a moment, you believed you were putty in his hands, but then you tugged at his locks and a whimper escaped him, and you realized that it was the exact opposite, and he was owned by you. 

He pulled away, his face still mere centimeters from your own, as he hiked your skirt up around your waist. Hooking his finger around the edge of your tights, he yanked them down, exposing your panties and bare legs. 

“Here?” You whispered as you glanced around at the quiet alley surrounding you. His movements slowed, but did not stop, making you laugh nervously. “Bucky, someone’s going to see us.” He stopped suddenly, his eyes on you.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” He said softly. 

You stared at him in shock, feeling your rapid heartbeat gently shake your whole core. Your brain was screaming at you to stop, that this was wrong, that this wasn’t something you shouldn’t be doing.

But another part of you, a louder one, was telling you the opposite.

No words left you, instead you just leaned forward and forcefully kissed him, bringing your hands to his belt buckle. He smiled into your kiss as you pulled his belt lose, unhinging his pants and pulling them down. 

There was nothing romantic or beautiful about this moment. It was sloppy and uncoordinated. Unexpected and thoughtless. 

But you didn’t want him to stop.

So he didn’t

~~

“I-“

It was all you could say. 

Zola stared between the two of you, looking absolutely dumbfounded. The man took a few quick steps towards you, causing you to instinctively back away. 

“I’m not like them, I just do as I’m told,” You said loudly, your voice emitting anxiety. “Please don’t hurt me.” His face filled with shock and confusion as guards slowly began to surround him. Though they continued to get closer to him, the man didn’t appear to notice, his focus completely on you.

“You don’t remember,” He said, a statement more than a question. Before you could speak, Zola took a step forward.

“We took her memories long before we got the chance to take yours, Sergeant Barnes,” He sneered. “But do not worry. We won’t make that same mistake again.” 

All at once, the guards jumped him, piling into a giant heap on the ground. Barnes let out a wail as they held him down, weapons pointed, but it didn’t stay like that for long. He rolled, jumping to his feet and whipping them all around the room like they weighed nothing. Even with one arm, the guards were still no match for him with the serum on his belt. You had backed away so far that you were now against the wall, your back sliding down so you were now on the floor. Fear had filled your entire body as you watched the scene unfold before you, but it wasn’t just for your own sake, it was for his as well. 

The next thing you knew, all of the guards were down and Barnes had Zola pinned to the wall.

“What did you do to her?” He growled through clenched teeth. 

“She’s one of us now,” Zola told him, his voice hoarse through the man’s hands. “And soon, you will be as well.” Huffing, the man threw Zola as far as he could, sending him into the brick so hard that he left a small man sized imprint before crashing to the floor. When he turned again, Barnes’ attention was back on you as he rushed towards you. Your breathing began to quicken as he dropped down in front of you. He was repeating the name over and over again. The fact that it sounded so familiar, that you knew it was yours despite never recalling it ever being said to you, made you even more overwhelmed.

“You have to remember,” He pleaded, grabbing your hand with his one viable one and pulling it towards him. “Please. You would never have forgotten me.” His eyes were so wide, you worried they would burst from his head. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Tears spilled from your eyes. Despite your efforts to pull your hands away, he continued to hold them as tightly as possible, which was considerably tight with his newfound strength. You knew he wasn’t meaning to hurt you, but it did nothing to alleviate your fear of him.

“It’s me.” His voice got more and more desperate. “It’s Bucky. We served together in the 107th. We met while I was in training. I never left you alone.”

“I can’t,” You were sobbing, and it was beginning to get uncontrollable. His hand dropped yours and rose to your face, cupping your cheek. Despite your fear, you didn’t pull away.

“Angel. I called you angel.” The word made you flinch, which made his eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “Every day, I called you angel. Because you were. You still are. I was in love with you from the day we met because you looked like an angel and then I found out you acted like one too. Please. Please remember.” 

The door burst open, a stream of men filing in. Ten. Twenty. Thirty. It seemed never ending. You cowered away from Bucky as the men grabbed him and yanked him away, pushing yourself into the corner of the room. He roared as they dragged him away, forcefully jerking himself out of their grip only for another group of hands to grab him. These guards were more heavily armed and protected than the first group that entered with Zola. 

As you pulled yourself back up to your feet, you watched Barnes struggle. The wheels in your brain were spinning at warped speed, trying to recall this all too familiar man. It was close. You could taste it. You felt if you just concentrated enough, that maybe they would finally surface and you would wake up. Wake up from this nightmare you’ve been living in for so long. 

Who is he? 

How do you know him?

Who?

“We need to move.” You were so lost in thought that you didn’t notice the guards approach you. They hoisted you up by your armpits, their grips so tight that you felt like one squeeze would take your arm off completely.

“What? No!” You began to fight, pulling yourself from them as simply as Barnes had made it seem. 

You couldn’t leave. You hadn’t figured it out yet.

“Let’s go,” The guard commanded, jerking you forward towards the door. Planting your heels into the ground, they began to slowly drag you away. Your eyes never left Bucky, who was panicked as he watched you get taken, still fighting off an army of his own. 

Who?

You took another look at his face, watching him struggle. His teeth clenched together as he threw around the one hand he had left. The moment seemed so familiar, and you wondered if it had happened before. 

From the moment he was dropped into your lab to now, there had been something about him that seemed so familiar. So known and yet nothing you could recall. His eyes flashed back into your direction, still wide and fearful. 

Who? 

Sergeant.

You froze, stopping so suddenly that the guards almost dropped you from the deadweight before looking at you in concern, but you weren’t paying attention to them.

What is your name, soldier?

It was like a film reel in your mind, as it all came flooding back to you. The first day of training. Removing the bullet from under his arm. The evening at the bar. The last time at Azzano. 

Everything.

Sergeant.

“Bucky.” You said it so quietly that no one could hear you. The guards had you so close to the door that you knew that if you didn’t speak up, you would never get this chance again.

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Everyone calls me Bucky, but you can call me whatever you choose.

“Bucky!”

The whole room came to a halt.

He stared into your eyes as tears began to fill your own. 

And for the first time, in what felt like an eternity, you saw the smile of a man you didn’t know you missed.

~~

“You shouldn’t even be here.”

“How am I supposed to see Italy back at camp?”

“It’s not funny.”

“Who said I was joking?”

Bucky glared at you, not faltering for a second despite your goofy grin. The two of you were sat together in a ditch, after Dugan had called for everyone to stop walking and get down after he thought he heard something. It was dawn, the sky deep shades of purple and blue, and the summer air was beginning to cool down. 

“What was I supposed to do?” You asked in a sudden serious tone. “Let the regiment go on a mission without more than one medic? Montgomery is the only one left, I couldn’t leave him to take care of two hundred men on his own.” He didn’t answer, instead just staring straight ahead through the scope of his gun. You rolled your eyes at how childish he was being. After all, this was war, and exactly what you had signed up for. 

“What happens if you die?” He asked after a moment of silence. You eyed him.

“Then I’d do exactly what I, you, and every man here knew was a risk when they joined this war,” You told him, feeling shocked that it was something you had to explain. “That’s part of my duty.”

“Yeah? And what about me, huh?” He hissed. You shook your head. 

“Don’t make this personal.”

“How am I not supposed to take this personal when last night I told you that I l-“ You cleared your throat to interrupt him, and he looked over his shoulder at the soldiers nearby, who were seemingly ignoring the two of you, before turning back. “When I put my feelings on the table and you didn’t say anything back, and now we get called into what sounds like a suicide mission and you decide to jump onboard.” Your head rolled into your shoulder as you looked away from him and up at the sky. Of course he misunderstood your silence from the previous night, how else was he supposed to take it? 

“The reason I didn’t say it back isn’t because I don’t feel the same,” You admitted. Which was the truth. When he had said it to you, every part of your brain was screaming at you to say it back, but for some reason, you couldn’t. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him turn to look at you, though you didn’t look back. 

“Why didn’t you, then?”

To be honest, the feelings of embarrassment that you had felt the night before were resurfacing now that it was brought up again. But you knew, deep down, that he probably had felt much worse than you had, being on the receiving end. Or the non-receiving end, more appropriately. 

“I was scared,” You said softly after a long moment. He tilted his head slightly, his eyebrows knitting together. You sighed. “I still am scared, truth be told.” You weren’t looking at him, your eyes trained on your hands.

“Why?” You sighed again.

“What if you die?” It was a moment of deja vu as you flipped the conversation from just minutes before. “I can’t fall in love with you when there’s a chance that I’m going to lose you. It’s not fair.” Though you were speaking to him, your words had been ones you had told yourself time and time again. Bucky’s face softened as he scooted closer to you.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me, or you, or us,” He whispered. 

“And how do you know that?” He scooted even closer, so now he was only a couple of inches away. 

“Because I-“

He paused, cut off by a harrowing sound as the two of you looked straight ahead once more. 

A loud whistle was coming from the distance, getting closer and closer. 

“Get down!” 

The next thing you knew, your head was plunged into the dirt as the sounds of explosions and gunfire filled the air surrounding. It all happened so fast, knocking the wind out of you as you struggled to breathe. Or maybe that was from the entire person lying on top of you. Above you, Bucky was shouting at the top of his lungs, his hands still covering your head protectively. Within a few seconds, he was climbing off you and yanking you to your feet.

“We have to move now,” He barked, grabbing your arm and pulling you into a run. Another loud explosion burst out behind you, making the two of you flinch before running faster. When you turned back, you found the bunker the two of you had just been in was now black with soot and littered with shrapnel. 

Bucky dropped into a trench with Dugan, pulling you down with him. 

“There’s gotta be at least five more companies out there,” Dugan yelled at Bucky.

“Radio B Company and tell them we need cover,” Bucky ordered, turning and blinding shooting his gun. You glanced down at the radio, which had been damaged by explosives. 

“That might be tough!”

“Bucky, behind you!” Bucky whipped around and sprayed his bullets. There was another explosion nearby, sending you all ducking into the small ditch. You had your gun out now, sending bullets wherever you felt threats were, so in every direction. Through the smoke, you were having a hard time seeing any of the incoming threats, which made protecting yourself and your fellow soldiers all the more hard. 

“Here they come!” Bucky shouted, making you all turn around. 

“I hate these guys,” Dugan grumbled, making you scoff.

“Join the club,” You replied with your eyes looking through the crosshairs of your gun. Just then, you watched one of your men get hit and tumble to the ground. Throwing the strap of your gun back over your shoulder, you climbed out of the ditch and broke out into a sprint with your head lowered.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Bucky’s voice yelled out after you.

“To do my job!” You yelled back without turning around. Without responding to the rest of Bucky’s protests, you grabbed the man by the scruff of his jacket and began to drag him out of the crossfire. He was moaning in pain while holding his abdomen, which was pouring out blood. You knew you had to act fast. There was too many vital organs in the abdomen to delay. Your mind was going a thousand miles a second as you planned your course of treatment while you got the soldier to safety.

A blue light speed through the air and hit your patient, who disintegrated before your eyes. You dropped his coat just before the blue could touch you. Without his weight to ground you in your position, you fell backwards onto your ass. Pain radiated, but you ignored it as you watched in fear while blue lightning shot everywhere, taking out dozens and dozens of your men at a time. Your stomach was in your throat as you could feel your heartbeat pulsating through your whole body, the sound pounding in your ears. 

“What the hell was that?” You couldn’t place the voice, but whoever they were, they were asking the questions on everyone’s mind. The gunfire had stopped, everyone rising to their feet. You slowly stood before making your way back to Dugan and Bucky, who was looking out over the hill. Taking the empty space next to Bucky, you stared down at what had them frozen.

A white tank took aim and shot at the edge of the hill, sending the familiar blue lightning into the dirt and exploding. It was nothing any of you had ever seen before, fresh Nazi weaponry. There was no telling what sort of energy they were using to create the blue laser that was vaporizing your troops.

A squeezed of your hand startled you. Peering down, you found your hand in Bucky’s, fingers entwined tightly in fear. Did you grab his hand? Or him yours?

“That looks new,” Dugan mumbled, taking the words right out of your mouth. The pivoting gun was turning to find its next targets when it took aim on the three of you.

“Duck!” Bucky screamed. For the second time in such a short period, you were being thrown face down into the dirt, Bucky using his body to shield you. 

“We need to retreat,” Dugan said while shaking his head. “That or surrender. We can’t take these on our own.” Bucky rolled off of you, allowing you to raise your head up and look at them. He looked conflicted, the battle in his brain obvious by the look on his face. He looked over, watching five more men get vaporized. Finally, he stood and began to run towards the enemy. 

“Bucky, what the fuck are you doing?!” You shrieked. Before you could stand to run after him, Dugan grabbed you, his arms wrapping around your whole torso so no amount of fight could break through his hold. 

“Stop!” You heard Bucky yell in the distance. “Stop! Please!” The gunfire stopped as multiple Nazi soldiers held their guns to him. He raised his hands before dropping his gun to the ground. Though the enemy troops didn’t lower their guns, they didn’t shoot at him, which brought you only slight relief. Releasing his hold on you, Dugan got to his feet before hastily dropping his gun into the dirt. After a few seconds of processing what he was doing, you stood and did the same. Despite guns now being pointing in your direction, your eyes were focused on one thing.

The next hour was daunting, as the remaining members of your company as well as the others were rounded together and lead over enemy lines. You had multiple guards with guns trained on your back. They spoke in a language you didn’t understand, but they talked of you often, and you knew by the way they looked at you. You played with your fingers anxiously as you walked, feeling grateful that you hadn’t been shackled in any way. Yet.

Bucky was a few rows of men ahead of you. On occasion, he would glance back and eye you for a few seconds before getting shoved by a shoulder and told to face forward. Being able to see him, even just the back of his head, was something of a comfort to you. Mile after mile, hour after hour, his short brown locks were all you had. 

Upon arrival of a musty brown building that seemed to stretch for miles on end, everyone was ushered into a barricaded back area, where they were forced at gunpoint by what must’ve been five hundred Nazi soldiers to strip down to their underwear. You in just a brasserie and panties, your arms crossed over your chest in embarrassment as you looked for a familiar face. There were towers surrounding the perimeter, with snipers taking aim on the crowd of prisoners. The walls inside the yard were lined with guards. Belongings of the soldiers were stripped, but you were happy to see that, for the most part, everyone’s clothing was being returned.

Except, evidently, yours. 

The stares of the guards on you made you feel a sort of fear that you couldn’t describe. You were, after all, the only female present. The other nurses were back at camp, waiting for casualties that will never come. But they looked at you with something more than just hunger for an almost bare woman. They looked at you like a valuable, like you were a prize for the taking. You weren’t sure which one would scare you more. 

They started leading men in by groups, and you wondered what horror welcomed you all there. Prison? Experimentation? A gas chamber?

A pair of hands grabbed you from behind, then two. Then four. Before you had time to process, you were being lifted and taken away from the crowd of men. 

“What- Let me go! Stop!” You began to jerk all around, trying to pry yourself from their grasp to no avail. When you let your head drop backwards, you could see a truck behind you, the back doors open with two guards waiting on either side. With fear filling your chest, you began to fight harder. With your legs in the air as opposed to the ground, it was harder to really slow them down. The tears in your eyes made it impossible to see, but you didn’t care as you continued to call out and move around.

“No!”

It was a voice that wasn’t your own, and when you looked up, you saw the crowd breaking before Bucky lunged in your direction. His clothes lined the ground behind him, making it clear he hadn’t quite had the chance to get redressed before noticing your predicament. 

“Don’t you dare-“ His voice was strained as he was tackled to the ground by a small group of guards, all holding him down against the dirt. He struggled under them, but there was too many for him to make any real impact.

“Bucky!” It came out more frantic than you had intended, but it made him fight harder and break free from their hold. But not for long. Just as he had gotten to his feet, he yelled out when he was pounced on again, this time more guards joining in to keep him down. 

You were thrown in the back of the truck, your head bouncing off the metal floor as the doors were closed behind you. There were no windows on the sides, just two small rectangular openings on both doors. As you held your pounding head, waiting for the lightheaded feeling to disappear, you could hear Bucky’s protests from outside. You pushed yourself to your feet, back arched as you made your was to the doors and looked outside.

Bucky was still pinned to the ground, and you were shocked to see that he was crying. Cheeks were soaked while his eyes were red and puffy. The second he glanced up and saw you staring, he began to fight the guards again, and the sight made tears start to well in your eyes as well. 

“Bucky, stop!” You called out, unsure if he would hear you. The truck roared to life as a door in the front slammed. Your soldiers were looking out at you with grim filled faces, knowing that you couldn’t be saved from the fate you were about to face. As the vehicle began to move, jerking you slightly, Bucky began to yell as he fought the guards. Once you were a few hundred feet away, he broke free, standing up and chasing after you. Slamming your hand against the doors, you began to cry harder. Watching him get further and further away despite him running as fast as he could was one of the most heart wrenching sights you had ever seen. But what was worse was when he tripped, crashing face first into the dirt.

Your heart sunk.

The truck drove passed the brick wall that barricaded the soldiers in, and the internal guards began to close it. Bucky looked up, and even in the distance you could see the deadened look on his face. 

The large, metal doors closed with a loud bang.

He was gone.

As were you.

~~

“Get her out of here now!” Zola shouted, slowly rising from where he had landed after Bucky’s throw. For a second, you weren’t sure what to do, but then you remembered the serum that was pulsating through your own veins. You took one look at each of the guards trying to drag you away.

Not this time.

With one swing of each arm, you had the guards thrown away from you. The commotion on the other side of the room paused at the surprise of your sudden freedom. Zola’s face lost all color as he stared with his mouth wide open. Not another second passed before you rushed to Bucky’s aid, taking only moments to free him from his captors and incapacitate them all. 

“Come on,” You said through your teeth as you pulled him up. “We have to go.” 

“But how are you-“ He questioned, standing frozen as he gestured up and down at you. With your memories intact once more, Bucky’s grief and confusion were floating back to the surface. “How are you alive?” You rapidly shook your head as yanked gently on his arm.

“There’s no time for that,” You snapped. “We have to go now.” Before he could speak again, you yanked him into a sprint and out the door. 

The hallways were long and winding, filled with darkness and not much else. There were no windows to be seen, and every door was either locked or lead to an empty room. With Bucky’s one hand locked in your grip, the two of you frantically searched for any sign of an exit, dipping into dark corners and shadows whenever there was sign of life. 

“Do you have a plan?” Bucky whispered as the two of you were huddled in a doorway. “Where are we going?” You scratched your forehead roughly, leaving your skin stinging as you stared at the floor in thought.

“I don’t know,” You replied, glancing out at the guards who were standing about fifty feet away. “I just know we have to get out of here. As fast as possible.” 

“That much I gathered.” 

You looked at him, the rush of emotions from his return in your life finally steamrolling your chest. There was so much you wanted to say, so much you wanted to tell him. Though the last few years of your life had gone, your feelings for him had picked up right where they left off that day you were captured. You didn’t figure that now was a good time to speak on them, but if not now, then when?

“Bucky.”

In the darkness, you saw his silhouette turn towards you. His eyes could just barely be made out, but they still somehow comforted you.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, and that I l-“

Alarms suddenly began to blare down the hallway. The two of you jumped up, just as lights on the ceilings flicked on and flooded every crevice with light. There was no hiding now.

“Come on!” Bucky grunted before dragging you out of the doorway and sprinting down the hall. The guards who were stationed there were now on full alert, and caught you the second you came into view. They raised their guns and began to yell in German, but they didn’t have the time to react further than that before Bucky and you attacked. It was a scene out of a movie it felt like, the two of you teaming up and taking out the hoards of bad guys that were seemed to just keep appearing and appearing endlessly. You wondered if Hydra had a machine somewhere that spawned more of their minions, for you had a hard time believing that anyone would willingly work for such a despicable organization. 

Something hard slammed into the back of your head, and you found yourself on the ground. Within seconds, you were being held down by what felt like a dozen hands, but you were too disorientated by the blow to your head to fight your way out of it. Was there really that many of them, or were you seeing double? You weren’t sure. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear your name being yelled, but it sounded so far away. Just as your head began to clear, you were being dragged by the scruff of your shirt, only going a few feet before you were pulled to your feet.

“We don’t have time for you to take a nap,” Bucky said as the two of you began to run. You glared at him. 

“At least we don’t have to worry about me getting shot,” You said as you set your eyes forward again. “Have you broken that habit while I’ve been gone or are they still having to pull bullets out of you?”

“Of course not.” The laugh he let out didn’t sound appropriate considering the circumstances. “Don’t you remember? You’re the only one who’s allowed to be pulling bullets from me.” Was it the exertion of running so fast that was catching up to you, or did it suddenly get very warm in the building to cause your cheeks to burn so much?

The two of you rounded a corner, and caught sight of a door leading to the outside. It was a long hallway, as all of them appeared to be, but the end was near, and soon you would be free.

“Where do we go from here?” You asked him. “We don’t know where we are.” He threw his hand up exasperatedly. 

“We just run,” He said simply, running faster as the sound of German yelling began to echo down the hallway. “Run until we can’t-”

He stopped talking, and suddenly he collapsed to the ground.

It took a moment for you to process, as you kept running. When you realized he wasn’t near anymore, you turned and caught sight of him lying still on the ground. You stopped dead in your tracks.

“Bucky, let’s go!” 

When he didn’t rise, you doubled back to him, dropping down to your knees as you anxiously glanced at the advancing army of armed soldiers rushing towards you. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow, as if he were sleeping.

“Bucky, wake up!” You were shaking him as you called out his name. A tiny dart stuck out of the back of his neck, the cause of his unconsciousness. You glanced up in time to see one of the men raise a dart gun and aim at you. You tried to move out of their crosshairs, but it was too late.

Only a second passed between when you rose your hand to your neck to when you fell backwards onto the floor. 

As you fought to stay awake, you inched closer to Bucky, who was face-down with his head turned towards the side. He looked so peaceful, probably the most at peace you had ever seen him. His fingers were warm when you wrapped your own around them. Your breathing began to slow, and you focused on his facial features while you tried to keep your eyes from closing.

“Bucky…” It came out as a quiet whisper. The last thing you saw was Bucky’s stilled face, with soldiers surrounding the two of you in the background, before darkness took over.

~~

You had stopped fighting hours ago.

Once the truck had come to a stop, you were yanked in the truck and dragged into a completely new building than the one you had been at before. This one was bigger by all means. It had about eight floors, from what you counted as you were brought in, and spread across what looked like several acres of land. Was it really as big as it appeared? Or was fear making it scarier than it seemed?

The inside was dark, with barely any lights or windows. You were taken into several rooms, given examinations and asked rigorous questions about your past and, more specifically, your training and work as a medic and with Dr. Erskine. It was surprising to you how generic it was, like you were at a routine doctor’s appointment and not being held captive by Nazis. Once you were in the care of scientists and doctors as opposed to the guards, they started treating you better, handling you with more care and being kinder with their way of speaking to you. Despite that, you were only barely cooperative with them, not giving any specific detail to the work and knowledge you had gained from working with Erskine. But you knew better than to assume that they weren’t asking these questions without reason. If they had you here, pulled away from the other captives, you knew it was no coincidence. 

You knew, despite all of your hopes of being wrong, that they knew of your work on the serum. 

It became evident early on in the examination that you were not going to get your clothes back, which wouldn’t bother you as much if the building you were being held in wasn’t arctic cold. By the time you were being taken to what had to be the final room, your body was shaking so hard that you could barely walk, instead being carried down the hallways with your feet dragging against the ice floor. 

The door was opened, and you were lead inside a small room. It was squared shaped, and the only item was a large machine on the back wall, a chair centering it. Unsurprisingly, you were taken to the chair and gently sat down in it. Your eyes were trained on the floor as the guards strapped your hands and legs to the chairs. Once done, one stood by while the other promptly left the room. When the door shut, you glanced up at the now only other presence in the room. You considered speaking to him. Maybe, if you reminded him of his humanity and told him about your life outside of these walls, he would have mercy on you. But you decided against it. The odds of him having any humanity left, as he stood blank faced after having dragged an innocent person around in their underwear without as much as one word to them, were very slim. 

The door opened again, and in entered a small man in a suit who was wearing glasses that were too big for his face. Considering his features and the glasses added in, he looked like a close relative of the toad species. He began to pace the room, his gaze never falling from you, and yours never from him.

“Do you know who I am?” He asked, his accent thick. In lieu of speaking, you shook your head once. He sniffed, seeming to not be satisfied by this answer, but he quickly shook that feeling off. “I am Arnim Zola, lead scientist of the organization known as Hydra.” You stared at him, his words having no meaning to you. He continued to pace as he asked you for your name. For a second, you considered not telling him, or making one up, but you knew better. These people had more technology than you could have ever dreamed of. They knew who you were before you had fallen into their hands.

In an almost too quiet voice, you said your name.

“What’s that?” Zola asked, his face looking smug. “Speak louder, now.” He had heard you, that was obvious. But he wanted to be sure, wanted to hear you confirm it for him. 

You said your name again, this time snapping while jumping forward in your seat a little. This action amused him, as he chuckled to himself. 

“I like you,” He said, making you roll your eyes. “You have a fire in you. Perfect quality for what we want for people we work with.” This time, you laughed loudly.

“I would never work for a place like this,” You spat, still laughing long after your sentence had cut off. It wasn’t until Zola began to laugh with you that you stop, the sound slowly fading into the quiet of the rest of the room. 

“Oh child,” He said, shaking his head as he continued to laugh. “That would go on the assumption that you have a choice.” You were so focused on Zola, that you hadn’t noticed the guard preparing something on your chair until he quickly strapped your head to the back rest. Now you began to fight the straps, as adrenaline filled your bloodstream. 

“We are well aware of your work with Erskine,” Zola continued, ignoring you as you continued to struggle. “So we know that you know how to make it. And we are going to make sure that you work for the right side.” 

In this moment, you thought about Bucky. It was the realization that you weren’t leaving this place unless you were in a body bag that had him on your mind. You found yourself asking if he was safe, if he was being fed. Were they torturing him too? You hoped that he was just being held in a cell with the other soldiers. At least he’d have them. At least he wouldn’t be alone. You wondered if he was thinking about you, asking the same questions of you that you were of him. You hoped that he would get out soon enough, that an army would come and save him. And if they weren’t able to save you too, then you also hoped that he would get the chance to move on. 

“And don’t you worry about your precious Sergeant Barnes,” Zola said as if he could read your mind. Your eyes snapped in his direction, all of the heat leaving your body. “He has been asking for you. We told him we are taking good care of you, and we intend to keep our promise.”

Suddenly, two pieces of the machine moved from behind you and latched onto your face. You were shaking so hard that you felt yourself vibrating against the seat. 

“Say goodbye to your memories, child,” Zola said as he walked over to the control panel of the machine. You began to whimper as his hand gripped the lever, but he looked at you with an unchanged, uncaring expression. “You won’t need them where you’re going.”

He flipped the switch, and the machine whirred to life. 

The pain was excruciating. 

Your screams could be heard through the hallways. Tears forced their way out of your eyes as every single muscle in your body jerked you around in the seat, trying to escape the pain that shot up every single inch. Your hands were gripping the arm rests so tightly that you thought they were going to snap off. As he watched you from the control panel, Zola didn’t seem concerned with the level of distress you were in.

You stared at the ceiling as thousands of bolts of lightning shot through your spine, but you were focused on Bucky’s face and name, replaying your memories with him over and over like a film you were trying to memorize, desperate to keep them from being taken from you.

“Bucky.” You began to say his name out loud through clenched teeth and a strained voice. 

“Bucky.”

“Bucky.”

“Buck…”

“B…”

As the sound of name faded, so did the memory of his face from your mind. The machine slowly came to a halt and you relaxed back into the chair with your breathing heavy. As the guard unstrapped you from your seat, you stared at the floor, trying so desperately to recall what it was you were so concerned about remembering, until finally you decided that if it had been important enough, you wouldn’t have forgotten it at all. 

~~

You woke up in a chair.

The cold room was all too familiar, complemented by the metal clamps that held your arms down to the arm rests, an opposition to the leather ones that had been used before. Panic rose in you as your eyes darted around the room, until you were greeted by two other pairs of staring eyes.

The first one was Zola, unsurprisingly, in all of his toad prince glory. His demeanor read smug, which did nothing to bring you any comfort. It was very clear to you that he had been waiting all day in this room for you to wake up. Which didn’t shock you in the least. It was the other presence that sent shockwaves up your spine.

Bucky stood next to him, in a tall, unmoving stance. His expression was blank, emotionless, and that didn’t change when your eyes locked with his own. His left side no longer held a stump of an arm, but instead a full arm made of complete metal. It was silver and reflective, with a red star painted on the upper bicep like a tattoo. You were completely frozen as you stared at him. How long had he been awake? And why wasn’t he strapped in a machine like you?

Unless…

“Bucky…” You said quietly. He didn’t flinch nor move, just continued to stare at you blankly. You sat forward in your seat, your arms and head now pressed into the metal clamps. 

“He does not know who that is,” Zola told you, and you felt your heart sink from your chest. Zola began to pace the room. “He is now the perfect weapon, thanks to you.” His head cocked to the side as he looked over at you, giving you a sinister smile. “And with you here to be his handler, we will be unstoppable.” Your heart rate began to pick up as you looked back at Bucky.

“Bucky, your name is James Buchanan Barnes,” You said slowly. “You’re from Brooklyn, New York. You’re a soldier in the army. You have a mother and siblings. Your best friend is Steve Rogers, who is Captain America.” Zola laughed as Bucky remained expressionless, not showing any indication that he had the foggiest idea of what you were talking about.

“Don’t waste your breath, child,” Zola snapped. “He is no longer the man you once knew. That man is gone, and the Fist of Hydra is now in his place.” But you ignored him, keeping your focus on Bucky. 

“We met on your first day of training.” Your voice sounded desperate as you continued. “You’re a Sergeant in the 107th Regiment of the United States Army. We’ve known each other for years, and we fell in love there. You called me angel. Do you remember that?” This must have been how he felt when you didn’t remember him. You jerked around in your restraints, trying to break free from your hold. If you could just get to him, just touch him, then maybe he would remember. But they were too strong despite the serum in you. Zola must’ve been prepared for a situation like this one. 

Zola barked an order at Bucky in a language you didn’t understand, and you wouldn’t have figured he would understand either. But he complied as he walked towards the control panel. Alarms were going off in your head as you realized you were running out of time. You could remember in vivid technicolor what happened the last time you were in this machine, but the last time Bucky wasn’t here, standing right in front of you. It’s easy to give up when you’re left wondering whether the one you love is alive or dead. 

“You have to get out of here,” You cried out. “You have to find Steve, he’ll know how to help you.”

“There’s no help for either of you now,” Zola barked. “You will have your memories wiped again, and you will comply with me, or you won’t live to see another day.”

“If you find Steve, you will get your memories back!” You shrieked at Bucky. He tilted his head at you, his eyebrows knitting together. 

“What in the name of God are you talking about?” Zola roared, but you continued to stare at Bucky.

You thought back to the night at the bar, when you were venting to him about Erskine’s death. 

“They took everything he had left behind. Everything. From his supplies and ingredients, to the samples he took from the man who got the serum. I have nothing to work with.”

When you created the serum for Bucky, when to you he was just the man on the table, you had found the blood samples that Erskine had took from Steve after he got the serum, immediately before his death. You thought this version of the serum would be stronger, and though you weren’t given the components necessary to completely replicate it, you thought you could add a piece of it to the new serum you were creating. The extra ingredient that you hadn’t added to your own. The one that made his different.

It took longer than you had expected to extract the serum from the blood sample, and you weren’t able to completely remove all of Steve’s DNA from the serum. 

The serum, fused with Steve, would’ve made its way to Bucky’s brain, enhancing that long with the rest of his body.

Which now had you believing that, should Bucky run into Steve and be reminded of him, it should restore his memories.

“You have to find Steve,” You repeated. “Find Steve.” The machine latched to your head suddenly, making you jump. 

“We do not have time for this,” Zola said. “Flip the switch and shut her up!”

Bucky wasted no time before grabbing the lever and yanking it down.

It was just as painful as you remembered it to be.

Your body jerked forward as a bloodcurdling scream left your mouth. Every single surface of your skin, every muscle and bone was being struck by lightning, a thousand shocks radiating from your head to your toe. 

“I love you,” You cried out in a strangled voice, looking at Bucky. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” You were sobbing now, repeating those three words like a mantra as your eyes never left the deadpan stare of the man you no longer knew. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love…”

“I…”

As the machine powered down, the room falling silent, your words disappeared in the air, becoming a ghost of the life you once had. The man in front of you went from being the love of your life to a stranger in just a matter of seconds, and as you stared at him in this moment, you were filled with a new found fear, with no absolute reason as to why.


End file.
